The Female Reliance Objective
by crazymusicalgenius96
Summary: Leonard's gone for the summer. Sheldon must go to the girls in order to keep some semblance of his usual routines. Set in this oh so painful hiatus between seasons 6 and 7.
1. The Bedtime Story Displacement

Chapter 1: The Bedtime Story Displacement

What was a giant purple bat doing in the Cheesecake Factory?

It was sitting in Sheldon's spot at Table 8, frowning angrily at the menu and shrieking. Penny had never encountered anything like this in her nearly seven years of waitressing, and was frozen to the spot gaping at the thing.

"What would you like to order, sir?" she managed to stammer, completely at a loss of words.

It didn't say anything at first, it simply blinked at her. Then it knocked on the table three times and said "Penny."

"Sheldon?" Penny asked.

The knocks were louder the second time through Sheldon's ritual, and Penny sat straight up in bed. Just a stupid dream.

"Penny."

She sighed. Apparently the knocking was part of reality. Penny stumbled out of her bedroom and over to her front door, whipping it open as soon as Sheldon had finished knocking and saying Penny a third time.

Sheldon stood there, looking like a deer in headlights.

"Sheldon, it's three o'clock in the morning," she said, still trying to convince herself that she was no longer serving a bat at the Cheesecake Factory. "What could you possibly need from me right this second?"

Sheldon looked down at his feet. "I had a bad dream."

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

"Leonard always tucks me back in after I have a bad dream, and then he tells me a story so I dream about something else."

Penny stared at him. "And since Leonard's in the middle of the ocean, you want me to do this?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. And I need to awaken in three hours and fifteen minutes if I'm going to watch Doctor Who this morning, so could you make it a short story?"

"Sheldon!" Penny exclaimed. "I will tuck you in, but I will most definitely not read you a bedtime story."

"But I can't go back to sleep without one!" he whined, sounding more like a kindergartener every second.

"Call Amy and ask her to read you one over the phone," Penny said, walking over to the sofa and grabbing her bathrobe from the arm. "I have an actual audition in the morning, so I need my beauty rest too. Come on, let's go," she continued, shoving him gently back towards his own apartment.

Penny was always weirded out by Sheldon's bedspread; her cousin had had the exact same comforter as a little boy.

"Have you always had this bedspread?" she asked him as she tucked him in.

"Not for my entire lifetime. I picked it out when I went to college. This particular set was much more comfortable than my blankets at home, which were altogether too thick for either a Texas or California summer. Now, since you have declined to read me a story, I'll say goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sheldon. I'm going to be in Studio City all day so don't look for me in the morning," Penny said. "And don't call me either."

Leaving his room, she looked back at him as he picked up his cell phone and dialed Amy's number.

"This is going to be a long summer."

* * *

A whole human skeleton had showed up on her doorstep! And even better, this one tap-danced to a song that sounded suspiciously like the ringtone she had selected for Sheldon.

Amy Farrah Fowler knew it was too good to be true. Must be a dream.

Groggily, she looked at her vibrating cell phone on her nightstand, and answered it without comment.

"Hello?"

"Amy, thank goodness! I had a terrible nightmare, and normally Leonard reads me a story to make me feel better..."

"You seriously want me to drive to your apartment at 3:12 am to read you a bedtime story?" Amy asked, not amused.

"No, you don't have to drive over here. Just over the phone is fine. If you are not too tired, a video chat would be excellent."

Amy squinted at the bookshelf in the hallway, which was visible through her open bedroom door. "Okay, fine. What do you want me to read to you?"

"Do you have any train books? You know I love train books."

"Uh...I think so. Let me double check."

She put the phone down, turned on the light in the room, carefully put her glasses on so as not to break them, and ventured over to the hallway bookshelf, the only bookshelf she owned that held works of fiction rather than scientific research. She found the book she had been meaning to give Sheldon for their anniversary, and decided she could always find another present for him later.

Sitting down on her bed, she pushed the button on her phone allowing him to video chat with her, and propped it up against her lamp.

"Okay, Sheldon, here is the enthralling tale of Pete and Larry's Ultimate Toy Train Guide," she said, holding up the book so he could see it.

Sheldon squealed in excitement. "I love Pete and Larry! They always have the most valuable commentary about every single kind of train."

"Sheldon, is this book just going to wake you up more? Because I would like to get some rest tonight," Amy said with a yawn.

"No, no! I'll be good, I promise! I'll go straight to sleep! We can even start our Saturday afternoon video chat late if you need the extra time to complete your REM cycles."

Amy smiled. He must really want this or else he wouldn't have offered to change his schedule to accommodate her sleep. "All right then. Here we go." She opened the book, and began to read in a gruff voice she imagined for Pete. "Hello there, train lovers! My name's Pete Stanley, and this is my friend Larry Nole! We want to tell you how much we love trains so that you can love them just as much as we do. No matter if your trains are motorized or not, metal or wooden, all trains are pretty darn awesome!"

Clearing her throat, Amy spoke in a higher register for Larry. "Like my friend Pete said, I'm Larry. This book goes out to all amateur train conductors everywhere, from those who hide their trains in their garages to those who come right out and say they are trainiacs! The information in this book can help you add to your train collection, as well as give you information about train shows all over the world. Now hop on, blow the whistle, and call All Aboard! We are headed on the adventure of a lifetime!"

She paused to look at Sheldon. He had his eyes shut, his breathing was slow and regular, and he had a serene smile, similar to his koala face.

Quietly, Amy shut the book, whispered "Goodnight, Sheldon," and ended the call.

She was surprised at how much fun she'd had reading a train book to her boyfriend. He had hung on her every word until he fell asleep. As she snuggled back into bed, she wondered if Sheldon would want to do this often.

"This is going to be a great summer!"

* * *

**A/N: Good day, and welcome to The Female Reliance Objective! I don't know how often I will update this, though it will most certainly be over by the time Season 7 airs. I enjoy fluff, and lots of it, so be forewarned. I'm kinda just getting my feet wet...I haven't written fanfic in over 9 months. See you around!**


	2. The Commute Addendum

Chapter 2: The Commute Addendum

Penny was enjoying a bowl of Rice Chex on her sofa while watching a rerun of some 90s television show. She wasn't really sure what it was, just that the main character reminded her a little of Amy.

Knock knock knock. "Penny."

She groaned, put her bowl down, and went to wait for Sheldon to finish knocking.

Knock knock knock. "Penny."

It occurred to her that perhaps the grocery shopping trip she had planned to take Sheldon on was happening today instead of tomorrow, which was what she had scribbled on a sticky note on her refrigerator.

Knock knock knock. "Penny."

She opened the door, confused.

"Good morning, Sheldon. Are we supposed to go grocery shopping now? Or is that tomorrow?"

"Grocery shopping is on Wednesday evenings after New Comic Book Night, Penny. No, I need to speak with you about something else."

Penny shrugged. "Sure, what is it?"

Sheldon paused for a moment, looking unsure.

"Spit it out, sweetie."

"I can't take the bus anymore! I can't do it, Penny! The bus driver is always late and by the time the bus gets to my stop, my spot on the bus is always taken by some grimy old man, and the bus driver apparently can't drive very well because he always slams on the brakes at the very last second. I live in constant fear of a concussion from hitting my forehead against the seat in front of me. And I have to transfer buses, which always makes me nervous, because if the first bus is late I have to wait an extra seven or eight minutes for the second bus." He finished off with what Penny thought looked like a puppy dog face.

Penny sighed. "Sheldon, I already told you can't drive you to work every day. I work the breakfast shift three days a week. And...you haven't exactly become a better passenger since the last time I had to drive you to work."

"Can you at least drive me today? I'm going to be late for work if I take the bus. It takes an extra twenty minutes because of the way the routes interact."

"All right, fine. But when you get home we are figuring out a plan that works for everybody," Penny grumbled. "Including the poor bus driver," she added under her breath.

* * *

Amy removed a fresh brain from the preservation liquid and placed it carefully on her lab table.

"Okay, this baby's got an enlarged hypothalamus to study," she said, looking at the label on the container it came from. "Let's find ourselves a nice big one!"

Just as she was about to make the first incision with her scalpel, her cell phone rang on her desk.

"If Sheldon has another 'emergency splinter', I might just stick that scalpel in him instead...oh good, it's Penny."

She answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Amy! You gotta help me!" Penny cried on the other end.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Sheldon. He won't take the bus to work and I already explained to him that I cannot drive him most of the time. Can you come over tonight and help me tell him he needs to find some other way to transport himself?"

"I guess so. How come he doesn't drive, anyway?"

"The last time he tried to get his license, he used a simulator to drive into the second floor of the Glendale Galleria. We decided it was better to protect the people and the mall from Sheldon's terrible driving."

"I can see how that would be preferable. I'll help you think of an alternative."

"Thanks, Amy! I know he will listen to you. He barely ever listens to me."

Amy smiled, glad that she could make both Penny and Sheldon feel better. "I've already got an idea. The university is only a mile or two away from his apartment. Couldn't he just walk?"

"That's brilliant! Let's start with that. I'll try to come up with some other ideas before I pick him up."

"Sheldon's making you pick him up as well?" Amy asked.

"Well, it's Tuesday. He eats at the Cheesecake Factory on Tuesday. I figured I might as well, since we're going to the same place anyway."

"Okay, then. I'll see you when your shift ends at the Cheesecake Factory. Bye, bestie!"

"Bye, Amy!" Penny said, giggling on the other end.

Amy hung up, faced the brain, and began to plan her course of action. "Let's start by removing the cerebellum..."

* * *

"I have to say, Penny, the Cheesecake Factory's bacon cheeseburger has vastly improved in quality the past two weeks. The burger patty is far less crispy, which is preferable," Sheldon said to her as they climbed the stairs.

"Oh yeah, we got a new cook. His name's Brandon," Penny replied.

"Well, then, my compliments to the chef. Let him know his burgers are of excellent quality."

When Sheldon and Penny reached the landing Amy was standing there waiting for them.

"Amy, what are you doing here?" asked Sheldon.

"Penny asked me to come over to help you figure out a more manageable fashion to get to work. She said, and I quote, 'he barely ever listens to me,' so I figured I could aid both of you reach a temporary conclusion until Leonard returns."

Sheldon gave Penny a displeased look, and then unlocked his door. "You're ganging up on me now," he said.

Penny simply shared a knowing look with Amy, and they both followed him inside the apartment.

"All right, Sheldon, we will list your options on Leonard's whiteboard, then we will discuss, and then we will create a temporary addendum to the Relationship Agreement detailing your course of action, called the Commute Addendum," Amy said, uncapping a dry-erase marker and testing it out on the board.

"I object," Sheldon said, raising his hand.

"Already?" Penny asked, confused. "We haven't even started yet."

"Transportation is not a subject that is covered in the Relationship Agreement," Sheldon said passionately. "That's only in the Roommate Agreement with Leonard. Therefore it has no place as a temporary addendum to the Relationship Agreement." He put his hand down, looking satisfied.

"Well, seeing as one of your potential options of transportation is me, albeit on a very limited basis, I move that it should be added as at least a footnote," Amy replied, writing "1. Amy drives Sheldon" on the whiteboard.

"Amy, you know that the idea of you driving me to work is immensely impractical. You live in Glendale and work in Westwood, a city 17 miles west of Glendale as the crow flies but 45 minutes away by car due to Los Angeles traffic patterns. You have, on occasion, complained to me about your lengthy commute. Why would you add to your trouble and throw off your daily schedule by driving nine miles east to Pasadena to drive me to work, and then have to go even farther to get to UCLA?"

Amy frowned. "You don't want me to drive you to work?"

"Not if it increases your commute time by an extra twenty minutes. I already figured it out on Google Maps," he explained, holding up his cell phone to show her the complicated route.

Amy scanned the map quickly, her frown deepening. "It would take considerable shuffling of my schedule to make this work out."

"You see? I would prefer for you to drive me, but not at the expense of your research."

Penny, who had been silent through their exchange, suddenly spoke up. "Then how come you ask me to drive you places while I'm working?"

"Penny, you work at the Cheesecake Factory ten blocks away from the university. Even if you were researching something, such as the proper amount of time to cook a burger so it isn't burnt, it would still only take you about five minutes to drive over and pick me up."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Whatever. What about the idea of Sheldon walking to and from work? Or riding a bicycle?"

Amy wrote down "2. Sheldon walks to work" and "3. Sheldon bikes to work" neatly on the board. "Any objections to these?"

"I don't own a bicycle," Sheldon said.

"But do you know how to ride one?" Penny asked.

"I haven't ridden one recently. When I was in graduate school, however, I used my bicycle to get between my residence hall and my classes quite often during daylight hours."

"What did you do at night?" Amy asked.

"I used the campus escort service."

"Okay, enough about graduate school," said Penny, becoming frustrated. "Would you be willing to ride a bicycle to work at least some of the time, if we got you one?"

"Well..." Sheldon began, "it would depend on the length of the bicycle route. Hold on."

He typed something into his phone, and smiled. "The bicycle route is shorter than the automobile route to Caltech. I'm sure I could bike the required 2.5 miles if I worked up to it."

"All right then, you can bike to work. It's settled," said Penny.

"Wait, Sheldon, I think I can change my schedule just for one day a week," Amy said, staring at her cell phone. "If I can arrange to have one of my colleagues unlock the door to my lab so that the doctoral candidates can have access to it, I should be able to drive you to work on Friday mornings."

"Really? Are you sure?" Sheldon asked, looking like a four year old in a candy store.

"Yes. You see, on Friday mornings, the doctoral candidates are doing work in my lab, and I usually have to sit in the faculty dining room until about 10 am, when they finish. Taking you to work will alleviate some of the awkwardness I have encountered with the cafeteria staff whilst sitting there with my computer for three hours. And it will allow us to discuss Date Night in person instead of via video chat on the second Friday of the month."

"An added bonus to our mornings in the car. All right, I say the Commute Addendum is a go. I'll type it up and then we can both move for its inclusion in the Relationship Agreement in about a half hour or so," Sheldon said excitedly, walking over to his computer.

"Excellent," said Amy. Turning to Penny, she continued, "I have a feeling Leonard will want the Commute Addendum to become a permanent part of the Relationship Agreement."

Penny nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right. So...how are we going to get Sheldon a bike by tomorrow morning?"

Amy immediately stopped smiling. "I hadn't thought about that."

* * *

**A/N: This chapter turned out far longer than I intended it to. Ah well. Hope you enjoyed it! See you next time!**


	3. The Fireworks Inversion

Chapter 3: The Fireworks Inversion

"Hey, Sheldon," Penny said as she passed him on the sidewalk next to their apartment building. "How are you liking your bike?"

"Oh, it is wonderful, Penny," he replied, as he put his third lock on the bicycle and spun the dial. "I now have the freedom to stick to my schedule as closely as I please. I never have to wait for anyone anymore. It's exhilarating."

"You're in a great mood today," Penny commented. "Does your bike really make you that happy?" She opened the front door of the building, holding it for Sheldon as he walked in, then followed in behind him.

"Not only does my bicycle make me happy, the newest issue of Batman I procured this evening at the comic book store was so well-written it made my personal top ten list, and I don't have to go to the fireworks display at the Rose Bowl tomorrow," Sheldon said, with a serene expression on his face, as he started to climb the stairs.

Penny stopped in her tracks. "You aren't going to see fireworks tomorrow? It's the Fourth of July!"

"I am perfectly aware that it's the Fourth of July. However, I have never found any particular reason to go outside to watch fireworks at night. The Rose Bowl is always loud and crowded, and there's always some silly musical group performing for far too long before the fireworks even start."

"That's the fun part about the fireworks! You get to see artists that you really like for practically free!" Penny said, following him across the second floor landing. "I think it's Kenny G this year."

Sheldon sighed. "The only reason I've ever gone at all was because Leonard demanded it. He never participated in the tradition of watching them as a child, so he's trying to catch up now. I, on the other hand, saw enough fireworks in my childhood in Texas to last me a lifetime."

"So you're just going to sit in your apartment by yourself and watch Star Trek or something? It doesn't seem very patriotic," said Penny, who was beginning to consider bringing him along just to get him outside in the fresh air.

"I may watch fireworks on NBC. They usually have a fireworks show spliced together with fireworks from various cities around the country set to patriotic music," Sheldon continued. "I enjoy the fireworks in New York City, especially because I can see them better than all the people who are actually there."

Penny didn't really know what to say to that, so she just let the awkward silence settle in between them. They climbed from the third floor to the fourth floor without a word to each other.

"Did you think about asking anyone to watch fireworks on TV with you?" Penny asked, feeling the need to break the quiet that she knew Sheldon enjoyed. "You've been spending a lot of time alone this summer."

Sheldon stopped with his key halfway to the door. "I hadn't thought of that. Fireworks are one of the things people tend to enjoy in groups. It probably is an unsurmountable social convention." He stuck his key in the door. "Drat. I was looking forward to watching them distraction-free."

Penny stared at him. "I didn't say you had to. I was just kinda wondering if you were going to."

"Oh, but now that you've mentioned it, I have to do it." He frowned and opened his door, then suddenly gasped. "Perhaps Amy will come over and watch them with me!" He walked in and shut the door behind him.

Penny shook her head. "Sometimes I want to live inside his brain for a day just to see how it could possibly work." She unlocked her door, opened it, and went in her apartment.

* * *

Amy knocked on the door of the apartment Sheldon shared with Leonard. She was looking forward to watching fireworks on NBC with her boyfriend; fireworks had always seemed like a sort of "couple-y" thing to do, and she was overjoyed that he had made the suggestion.

Sheldon opened the door. "Hello, Amy. Happy Fourth of July," he said brightly. "Come in, I have red, white, and blue cookies that look like Captain America's shield."

Amy smiled and followed him to the kitchen. "How has the rest of your day been?"

"I'd say it has been quite enjoyable. I didn't have to tag along with an overly excited Leonard to the Rose Bowl, so that's already a large improvement." He handed her a cookie on a plate. "Would you like a beverage with your cookie?"

"If you have any milk, that would be great," Amy replied, sitting on her usual barstool.

"Two milks. One for me, and one for you," Sheldon said as he poured milk into two mugs, one of them the yellow mug he had reserved for her use in their apartment. "I had a turkey sandwich earlier. I thought it was much more patriotic than Texas barbecue."

"Because Benjamin Franklin proposed that the turkey become the national bird of the United States?"

"Exactly!" Sheldon exclaimed. "You know, I agree with him. Turkeys are much more majestic than bald eagles."

"I have always thought so myself." Amy took a bite of her cookie. "I hope this doesn't count as our monthly date. Our last date was only a few weeks ago."

"No, Date Night will still occur, as always, next Thursday. Penny simply pointed out to me that watching fireworks is a group activity, and I thought I would ask you in order to make a very small group."

"You were going to watch them by yourself?" Amy asked, taking a sip of her milk. "You have been doing a lot of things alone lately."

"That's odd," Sheldon remarked. "Penny said the exact same thing to me yesterday."

"Well, Sheldon, we're concerned about you. I know how difficult change is for you, and Leonard has been with you almost all the time for the last ten years. You must miss him, or at least the structure he provides to your daily schedule."

Sheldon slowly took another bite of his cookie, a look of consternation coloring his features. "I do...miss Leonard. But just because he is gone doesn't mean my routine should be disrupted in any other fashion. The things I do with him, I simply do by myself while he is absent. It would be difficult to find a substitute."

"Sheldon, you know I would be willing to do some of the things Leonard does with you," Amy replied. "I may not be very good at video games, but you can teach me, and the comic book store has some interesting things I might enjoy reading."

Sheldon was still moving like molasses, deep in thought. "I suppose you could," he finally said, "but it would be strange to do friend things with my girlfriend. We do other things together, like Date Night, and Boyfriend/Girlfriend Sing-a-long Night, and going to various lectures made by incompetent scientists in our respective fields to poke fun at them. Those are things I could never do with anybody else. Playing video games with you would be like holding hands with Leonard at the movies." Sheldon made a face of displeasure. "That would be icky. Leonard doesn't wash his hands nearly enough."

"Well...perhaps we could find a game you've never played and try it together. Then it wouldn't feel so weird to you. Or we could find some other activity that neither of us has ever heard of, and try it out."

Sheldon nodded. "It could possibly work. My schedule has been so upturned, I might as well change it even more. I have blocks of my day carved out to spend talking to Leonard, and without him there, I just kind of...sit in my spot and stare at his chair," he said, trailing off and starting to sniffle.

"Sheldon?" Amy asked as his face crumpled and he began to cry.

"Without Leonard there's only three of us and we can't split the dumplings when we eat Chinese food because there isn't anyone to eat the extra dumpling!" he whimpered.

Amy could only remember one other time when Sheldon had been so upset, and that was when Kripke had written a better proposal than he had.

"Sheldon, would physical contact help you at this moment or would you prefer to be left alone?" Amy asked waveringly, knowing that it was her own fault that the subject had come up.

Sheldon sniffled. "I would like very much to sit in my spot and for you to give me a hug." He wandered over to the sofa and plopped down, wiping his eyes.

Amy followed him, grabbing the box of Kleenex from the kitchen counter. "Here's some tissues, and here's your hug," she said, wrapping her arms around him.

They sat in silence in this position for a very long time, even after he had stopped crying. Amy was hugging him as hard as she could, because she knew deep pressure was calming, especially for a person like Sheldon. It kind of hurt her arms after a while, but at least she knew the nice woody scent of his soap would stay in her sweater so she could keep smelling it even after she stopped hugging him.

"The firework show will be starting soon," Amy said quietly, trying to keep him calm. "Do you still want to watch it?"

"Yes, I think so," Sheldon replied.

"Do you want me to stop hugging you?" she asked.

Sheldon seemed to consider this for a minute. "No. It's...kind of nice. It's like you're squishing all of my worries out of me like a stress ball."

"Good," Amy said, "that's what I was going for. Can you reach the remote from this position?"

"I think so," Sheldon said, moving his left arm slowly towards the end table where the remote was. He successfully picked it up and pushed the power button. "I already had it on the right channel," he explained.

Amy nodded and looked toward the screen.

The television played "America the Beautiful" as the fireworks in New York City began the nationwide fireworks spectacular. Amy thought they were beautiful, much better than any fireworks she'd seen in California.

"We should do this every year," she said to Sheldon in awe. "This is fantastic."

Sheldon had his koala face on, looking at the fireworks on the screen. "I think that's a brilliant idea." Amy felt him slip his right arm out from between their torsos and put it lightly on her back.

It may have been an unorthodox Fourth of July, but in Amy's eyes, it was perfect.

* * *

**A/N: This is a little late, but Happy Fourth to any American readers out there! See you next time!**


	4. The Ladies Council Reformation

Chapter 4: The Ladies Council Reformation

Penny got out the chips and salsa she'd bought at the grocery store with Sheldon and put them in a funky bowl she'd picked up at Pier 1 Imports just because she felt like it. It had a special salsa holder in the middle, which was what Penny had been attracted to in the first place - one less bowl to clean up on Girls Night.

It was her turn to host, and they had decided to have a Girls Night In this time around, because they hadn't had a chick flick marathon in a while and all three felt like they needed it. So Devil Wears Prada, She's The Man, and A Walk to Remember were queued up and sitting in their DVD boxes on her small media center, and she was prepared with chips and salsa. And all the ingredients for sangria, in case anyone wanted some.

There was a knock at the door that definitely wasn't Sheldon, so Penny went to answer it.

"Hey there," Amy said cheerfully. "What's on the menu for Girls Night tonight?"

"Appetizer stuff, sangria, and movies until the wee hours!" Penny replied, showing Amy her funky bowl.

"Sounds perfect. I have been wanting to catch up on some chick flicks. Which ones did you pick? Are they ones that I've seen?" Amy sat down on the couch. "Are they _musicals?_"

Penny put the bowl on the kitchen counter. "No, none of them are musicals, but I think you've only seen one of them with us. Bernadette and I showed you A Walk to Remember, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. I might have been inebriated at the time, though, because I don't remember it too well..." Amy said, picking up a magazine off the table and looking it over.

"Oh, don't worry, sweetie, it's better to be drunk while you're watching that movie, 'cause then you have an excuse to cry," Penny said, pulling a bottle of wine and some ginger ale out of her fridge.

There was another non-Sheldon knock at the door, and Amy got up and answered it. "Hello, Bernadette," she said.

"Sorry I'm late, guys. Howie had to take his mom to get a mammogram and it took a lot longer than we expected," explained Bernadette. "I'm excited for this! We haven't had a Girls Night In in a while."

"At least not one where we didn't play Twister," Penny said, pouring the wine and ginger ale into a funky pitcher that sort of matched her funky bowl.

Bernadette sat down at Penny's counter in her usual place and dipped a tortilla chip in some salsa. "How's life been for you, Penny? Sheldon's not making you drive him anywhere in the middle of the night, is he?" She grimaced. "I had to do that with my mother-in-law."

Penny laughed. "No. Thank God we got him a bicycle, though, it has changed his outlook on life."

Amy walked over to the counter. "Have you been able to talk to Leonard at all this week?" she asked, eating a salsa-free chip.

"I talked to him yesterday, actually. He's doing okay. He says, as always, that his research is super interesting and that Stephen Hawking is insane, but easier to deal with than Sheldon." She sighed. "I can't believe it's been six weeks since he left already. The first couple of days felt like a week each, so it seems like he's been gone even longer."

"What are you going to do when he gets back?" Bernadette asked.

Penny stopped in her tracks, her hand on her refrigerator door handle. "I don't even know. Should I plan something fancy? I feel like all he would want to do is take a shower and sleep. I would if I went on a boat for four months." She took the lemons and strawberries out and put them on the counter.

"I remember I was really sick the day Howie came back from space. That kinda put a damper on our belated honeymoon," Bernadette said, eating another chip.

"If Sheldon went away on some journey in the name of science, I'd be prepared with a glass of warm milk and a long list of science fiction movies so he'd be as pleasant as one can possibly be after spending far too long on an airplane," Amy commented.

Penny giggled as she sliced the lemons. "You might want to reconsider your definition of 'pleasant', sweetie. Leonard says Sheldon has never been pleasant after riding an airplane, even if he's traveling in the name of science."

"You underestimate my ability to handle a cranky and upset Sheldon. On the Fourth of July I was able to calm him down from a frenzy with some tissues and a very long hug."

"Sheldon let you hug him?" Penny asked. "How come you didn't tell us before?"

"And what is your definition of 'very long'? Very long as in a few seconds or very long as in a few minutes?" added Bernadette.

Amy grinned sheepishly. "I wanted to have some juicy gossip for Girls Night. And Sheldon let me hug him for almost an hour, _and_ he reciprocated while we watched the fireworks."

"Huh," said Penny, pausing in her chopping. Sheldon - letting Amy touch him for an hour straight. And not just while holding hands, either. "Hey, why don't you guys put on She's The Man while I finish up the drinks. I'll be there in a sec."

Amy and Bernadette voiced their agreement, and Bernadette began explaining the plot to Amy as they put the DVD into the player. Penny was lost in thought, mixing the sangria absently as she thought of how happy Amy seemed to be...and how much she missed Leonard.

* * *

Amy was absorbed in the endearingly silly story of She's The Man, trying not to take too many sips of her sangria so she could keep pace with what was happening. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be working as her tall glass was already nearly empty. Aided by sangria, Penny had fallen asleep in the armchair, and Bernadette also looked like she was getting drowsy. But an unwelcome noise brought Amy back to the present.

Knock knock knock. "Penny." Knock knock knock. "Amy." Knock knock knock. "Bernadette."

"I'll get it," Amy said, making her way to the door.

When she opened it, Sheldon stood before her in his Wednesday pajamas with a scowl on his face.

"Hello, Sheldon. This is rather unexpected."

"Koothrapali and Wolowitz won't play Halo anymore. They went to a bar to go see if Koothrapali's selective mutism is still gone if he's around strange women," Sheldon said in his usual frank manner.

Amy wasn't really sure what to say to that.

"Um...would you like to come in?"

"I guess that would be better than sitting in my apartment playing Halo against strangers far below my skill level," he replied, and followed her in. "What ridiculous emotion-filled feature are you watching tonight?"

"We were watching She's The Man, but Penny and Bernadette fell asleep. Now it's just me," Amy said, sitting on the floor to give Sheldon a spot on Penny's love seat. "And it is not ridiculous. In fact, it is based upon Shakespeare's beloved comedy, Twelfth Night."

"I'd rather watch the actual play," Sheldon said dryly.

Ignoring him, she began to explain what was happening on the screen. "That's Viola, and she's dressed up as her twin brother Sebastian so she can play soccer and he can go to London for two weeks to further his musical career. That guy is Duke, her roommate who also plays soccer, and offers to help her improve in exchange for convincing the girl of his dreams, Olivia, to date him. She'll be back in a little bit." Amy turned around and looked at him expectantly.

Sheldon's eyed were locked on the screen. His only response was "Why on earth are they talking about gouda?"

Amy sighed and got up, fetching her glass of sangria and taking a sip. "Would you like a beverage?"

"Oh, yes, that would be fantastic. Does Penny have any cherry syrup and grenadine? I'd like a Shirley Temple."

Amy looked in the refrigerator and sighed. "No Shirley Temple stuff. Do you want some sangria? It kinda looks like a Shirley Temple." She took another sip of her own drink. "Kinda tastes like one, too." She poured a glass of it for him. "And I can put a festive lemon slice on the edge of the glass."

"I can't say no to festive glass decorations," Sheldon said with a smile.

"All right, then," Amy said to Sheldon as she held out the glass to him. "Tell me what you think."

As Sheldon took a sip and downed the entire glass, Amy suddenly remembered how Penny had told her about Sheldon's reaction to Long Island Iced Tea.

"Uh...Sheldon? You might want to take smaller sips of that," Amy said worriedly.

Sheldon grinned. "You're right! It does taste like a Shirley Temple!"

"Uh-oh..."

"Go on! Have some more of yours!" Sheldon said excitedly. "We can have Shirley Temples together!" He stared at his glass. "Except this isn't a Shirley Temple..."

"It's a grown-up Shirley Temple," Amy said, finishing off her glass as Sheldon stared at her in delight.

"I knew it! We both knew it. We are really smart, Amy," Sheldon said. "The smartest smarty-pantses in the whole world."

Amy struggled to get herself back into sobriety for Sheldon's sake. "Sheldon, what are the unique properties of Bose-Einstein condensates?"

Sheldon sniffed his glass. "This stuff smells like strawberries."

Amy put her head in her hands. "I am so sorry, Sheldon."

Sheldon got up and dashed to the funky pitcher, pouring himself another full glass and drinking the whole thing.

"Sheldon, wait!" Amy cried. "Don't drink any more of that!" She struggled to pull the pitcher out of his hand before he downed a third glass.

"But we're having grown-up Shirley Temples together," Sheldon said, slurring his words together. "It's like we're having a grown-up tea party. Is there coitus at grown-up tea parties, Amy? If there is, then maybe we should follow that social convention."

"I - I'm not really sure," she replied. His comment had caught her completely off-guard. "I think it's time for you to go lay down and sleep this off."

Amy grabbed Sheldon's hand, and since she wasn't sure if Sheldon's apartment was open, dragged him toward Penny's bedroom. She kept looking back at him to make sure he wasn't tripping over anything, and even in his drunken stupor, she thought he looked sweet in his plaid robe.

"Good thing I'm already in my Wednesday pajamas," Sheldon said. "Amy, are you going to lay down with me?"

"I...guess I could if you want me to," she said, sitting him down on the bed and losing her balance in the process. Before she could sort out which way was up, Sheldon had fallen back on the bed next to her.

"Whee!" Sheldon squealed, and he grabbed onto a lock of her hair, rubbing it against his face. "Your hair smells like the Caribbean."

"My dandruff shampoo is called Mystic Island, but I don't think it's a real island," Amy said, turning toward Sheldon.

"No matter. I could smell your hair all night long."

Sheldon shut his eyes in delight, and soon Amy realized his breathing pattern had shifted. He was sleeping peacefully now. Not wanting to disturb him, she closed her eyes and hoped he wouldn't be furious in the morning.

* * *

Penny woke up to DVD menu music.

"God, what time is it?"

She glanced at her phone screen.

"Ugh, 12:30 am. Yuck. I'm going to bed."

Bernadette stirred on the couch. "What is it, Penny? Is it morning?"

Penny yawned. "Kinda. I'm going to bed. If you don't have work super early in the morning you can crash on my couch."

"Where's Amy?"

Penny shrugged. "She probably bailed. We were pretty boring tonight. I bet she went home, practiced her harp, and went to sleep."

"G'night, Penny," Bernadette said, closing her eyes and snuggling into Penny's throw pillow.

"See you in the morning," Penny replied, yawning once again.

All was quiet for a minute. Then Penny let out a blood curdling scream. Bernadette immediately got up and ran into Penny's bedroom. "What's wrong?" she cried.

Penny was staring speechlessly at Sheldon and Amy, sound asleep, fully dressed, and snuggling in her bed.

"How the hell did he get in here?" she whispered.

"I don't know. Amy, I guess."

Suddenly, Sheldon shifted in his sleep. He pulled the lock of Amy's hair he was holding closer to his face, mumbling "Caribbean hair".

"Did he just say 'Caribbean hair'?" Penny asked incredulously.

Bernadette giggled. "Maybe Amy let him drink the sangria."

* * *

Amy was settling in to a productive day at work, dissecting the brains of the rats tested with an experimental memory drug, when she received a video call from Sheldon.

"Good morning, Sheldon. What emergency do you have today?" she asked him cheerfully.

"I think I have a memory emergency. This morning I awoke in Penny's bed with a dry mouth and pounding headache. How on earth did I get there?" he asked, looking quite distressed.

"Unless you would like a dose of the latest in memory retrieval medications, I'll give you a short summary of the evening's events. You probably remember coming over to Penny's apartment and watching a few minutes of She's The Man, correct?"

Sheldon nodded. "The last thing I remember is some nonsense about gouda."

"Well, after that, you asked for a Shirley Temple, and I asked you if you wanted sangria instead. I was slightly inebriated myself, so I didn't think to tell you it was alcoholic, and admittedly it does look and taste a little bit like a Shirley Temple. You accepted the glass and drank the entire thing in one sip."

Sheldon winced. "Oh, dear."

Amy plucked the hippocampus from the depths of the rat's brain and examined it as she spoke. "You then poured yourself another glass and drank it all. By that time you had become impaired enough to attempt to proposition me for coitus. Instead, I dragged you into Penny's room to get you to settle down and hopefully fall asleep. Somehow we both ended up laying on the bed, and you said my hair smelled like the Caribbean and rubbed it on your face. I believe at that point you passed out. Soon after, I fell asleep."

"Did anything else happen last night?" Sheldon asked sheepishly.

"Well, at around 2 am you got up and started vomiting profusely into Penny's toilet. I helped you clean your face, gave you a cup of water, and helped you back into Penny's bed - you were still too sick to go back across the hall, and besides, your front door was locked. I took some Advil, said goodnight to Penny and Bernadette, who were sleeping in the living room, and went home."

Sheldon stared at his hands. "I guess I chose the correct method of treating my headache: a 1.5 liter bottle of Fiji water and some Tylenol."

"Sheldon, I apologize for jeopardizing your health and our relationship by giving you the sangria. It was very irresponsible of me," Amy said passionately. "I don't even know why I did it...I suppose states of consciousness always come back to haunt us."

"I don't know why I expected Penny to have the correct ingredients for a Shirley Temple in the first place. Penny hates cherries," Sheldon replied. "I accept your apology whole-heartedly, especially since you've never seen what happens when I do accidentally imbibe alcohol. The last time I did, I ended up on Wil Wheaton's doorstep defending your honor."

"All right then. I move we agree to not consume alcohol in front of one another until further notice, and continue with our scheduled Date Night later this evening."

"Seconded. I'll see you at seven," Sheldon said with a nod. "Though how come the consumption of alcohol rule is only suspended until further notice?"

"When one or both of us wins the Nobel Prize, I'm sure there will be champagne to drink at the after party," Amy replied studiously. "I'll see you tonight, Sheldon."

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter will include the Date Night, most likely. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and see you next time!**


	5. The Star Trek Variance

Chapter 5: The Star Trek Variance

Penny sat on her sofa, curled up in a blanket and immersed in the newest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Khloe and Kim were arguing about something, but Penny couldn't really figure out what it was.

Knock knock knock. "Penny." Knock knock knock. "Penny." Knock knock knock. "Penny."

"Hey, Sheldon," Penny said as she opened her front door. "What's up?"

"Tonight is Date Night, and I need a ride to Amy's apartment. I can't get there on my bicycle," Sheldon explained. "There's no bicycle lane on the 210 freeway."

Penny smiled. "I'm impressed, Sheldon. This is the first time you've asked me to drive you somewhere in over a week. Who knew you could get yourself around like this?" she joked. "Leonard sure didn't."

Sheldon frowned. "Penny, we do need to leave right now in order to be prompt. Traffic at this time of day is unpredictable. It could take us an hour to get there."

"Hang on, Sheldon, I'm getting shoes," Penny said as she walked away from the door, en route to her bedroom. "And there is no way that it takes an hour to get to Glendale from here."

"An oil tanker could explode in the middle of the road and then we'd be stuck. I don't want to get stuck on the freeway."

"I'm ready, Sheldon, let's get cracking," Penny said tiredly as she walked out the door past him.

There was a bit of traffic, but Penny made sure Sheldon made it to Amy's apartment on time. She knew she'd never hear the end of it from either of them if he was late.

"Do you need me to pick you up when you're done?" Penny asked.

"Oh, no, I don't think that will be necessary. Amy agreed to take me home," Sheldon said with a satisfied smile.

"All righty then. I'll see you around, Sheldon," said Penny, driving away and turning on her radio.

As she drove away, belting out an Adele song, Penny wondered what Sheldon and Amy even did on Date Nights. She'd only seen one, and it had ended badly. Did they just stare at each other?

Who knew silence was such a turn on?

* * *

Amy had nearly lost herself in the paper she was peer reviewing for a neuroscientist at UC San Diego when her cell phone vibrated next to her on the couch.

It was a text message from Sheldon. "Penny is bringing me to your apartment. I'll see you in approximately twenty minutes."

She replied with a quick "Okay, see you then" and hurriedly filed away the lengthy paper in her briefcase. Luckily, it was very well written and fit all of the specifications required by the American Psychological Association, so she had little to add once Date Night had ended.

Amy took a quick look around her apartment, making sure everything was in order (though she probably didn't need to, her apartment was almost always immaculate) and then realized she needed to pick up their dinner from the restaurant because it was probably finished by now.

After the quick detour, she set the bag down on the counter, and then sat on the couch, thinking about the paper she had just read as a way to pass the time before Sheldon got there.

Knock knock knock. "Amy." Knock knock knock. "Amy." Knock knock knock. "Amy."

Amy waited patiently for him to finish knocking, and then opened the door.

"Good evening, Amy," Sheldon said with a grin. "What's the plan for this evening's Date Night?"

Amy shrugged. "I thought we could go casual tonight. Just have your typical Thursday dinner of Thai food and watch some of those Star Trek: Next Generation DVDs you got me. I still haven't unwrapped them."

Sheldon looked absolutely delighted, then suddenly confused. "Is this another one of your experiments?"

"No, actually, it isn't. Though I could put on the Medical Officer dress if you'd like," said Amy, trying her best to remain nonchalant.

"Perhaps later. Is the food here?" Sheldon asked.

"On the counter," Amy said. "I'll get everything set up while you explain the Star Trek DVDs to me."

While Sheldon rattled on about Star Trek, Amy made the food look exactly like it did in Sheldon's apartment on any other Thursday. She wasn't experimenting, but she knew Sheldon would be more comfortable this way, and a comfortable and happy Sheldon was a Sheldon who was more willing to play doctor later in the evening.

"I must say, Amy, I think this Date Night is going to be one of the best ones we've had in a while. Though it would be hard to top the Pasadena City College Open House. That was a night of laughs."

"Indeed. The professor who kept telling you he thought you ought to get a college education - !" Amy squeaked out, almost crying from laughing at the memory. "And the look on his face when you told him you had two doctorates. That was absolutely priceless."

"Oh, you can't forget the girl who asked me if I was in her English class. I know I never will. It's forever sealed in my eidetic memory," Sheldon added. "But back to tonight. How come you've never watched Star Trek: Next Generation?"

Amy twirled her Pad Thai around her chopsticks. "I figured I wouldn't understand them unless you were with me explaining them."

Sheldon beamed. "Well, I am happy to initiate my girlfriend into the brother and sisterhood of Trekkies. You already have a costume to wear to Comic Con. Once you watch this, you'll be a full-fledged fan. Yay!"

"Yay!" Amy echoed, with less enthusiasm.

"Now I don't mean to rush your digestive system, but I am excited about showing this to you, so hurrying would be fantastic," Sheldon said, eating the rest of his food in a few rather large bites.

Amy giggled. He was adorable when he was excited about something. "Okay, I'm hurrying. But hopefully the curry in this dish won't come back to haunt me later."

Since Sheldon was finished with his meal, he put his plate near the sink and began to open the boxed set of DVDs on the couch. "Trust me, Amy, you will not regret this!"

Amy sincerely hoped she wouldn't.

* * *

They were almost finished with the first episode and Amy felt like she was starting to catch on. At least a little bit. And Wil Wheaton was really a much better actor in this show than he had been on Fun With Flags.

"If Wil Wheaton acted like this all the time, we could invite him to be a regular correspondent on Fun With Flags," Amy said, smirking a little at the screen.

"See? I knew you would eventually see his brilliance," Sheldon replied, with a hint of pride in his voice.

Amy tilted her head sideways, peering at the screen. "He looks so young. He's really quite handsome."

Sheldon stiffened beside her. "Wil Wheaton is happily married and has been for the last fourteen years," he said.

Amy turned to look at Sheldon. "Are you all right?"

"Of course I'm all right," Sheldon said, a little defensively, and she turned back toward the screen.

They sat in silence for a little while, as Amy did not feel the need to ask any more questions for the time being. She was actually enjoying herself, though it was probably only because she was watching it with Sheldon. It would be far less entertaining by itself.

Then, rather suddenly, Amy realized that Sheldon had placed his arm around her shoulders. She slowly turned to look at him, because facial expressions told a different tale than words. He looked visibly relaxed, which was odd, considering that he was rarely ever relaxed when touching another person...in fact, the only occasion Amy could think of when he was this calm while touching her was on the Fourth of July.

Amy moved herself closer to him, so that her arm was touching his torso, and her head was next to his shoulder. She checked his face again - now he had a face not unlike his koala face, but there was something different in his eyes.

She decided to test the waters just a little further. "Sheldon, may I rest my head on your shoulder?" she asked, wondering what his response would be.

Sheldon nodded vigorously, and she did so. Interestingly, it seemed as if Sheldon was trying to remain silent in order to keep the moment pure. Or perhaps to prevent himself from running away screaming and jumping in the nearest shower to exfoliate the entire top layer of his skin. Amy had a lot of new information to put in her relationship charts.

They watched two more forty-five minute episodes in this position, not daring to move a muscle. Amy thought Sheldon's shoulder was a comfortable place to put her head, although the angle at which her neck was tilted was probably going to give her some pain in the morning. She had stopped asking questions at this point, because she was more interested in studying Sheldon's physical reactions than the television screen.

The credits rolled, and Sheldon glanced at his watch. "It's nearing 10 pm. We should probably get going so I can be up on time for our Friday Fun Morning tomorrow."

Amy nodded in agreement. "Yes, that would probably be best." Reluctantly, she untangled herself from Sheldon's grasp and stood up, smoothing out her skirt. "Let me go get my keys."

Sheldon still remained withdrawn as they left her apartment building and got into her car. Amy watched him carefully, making sure he didn't seem angry or displeased, but he seemed to be neither. Instead, he appeared quietly reflective.

"Sheldon, if you are at all uncomfortable with the amount of physical contact we had tonight, we don't have to continue with it until you are ready. Don't force yourself to do anything just for my sake," Amy said, hoping it would ease his mind.

He nodded wistfully, and looked out the window. "I'm not uncomfortable, just overwhelmed. Can we talk about this in the morning?"

"Of course. That's what Friday Fun Mornings are for," she replied.

They spent the rest of the car ride in complete silence, but it wasn't awkward. The silence gave them breathing room, and allowed Amy to gather her thoughts for the next day's discussion.

* * *

**A/N: I present this chapter as a tribute to what my own Date Nights look like. Also, I thought that Sheldon's growing interest in physical contact would be more effective from Amy's point of view, since I don't consider myself worthy of writing a decent Sheldon POV. Hope you enjoyed, see you next time!**


	6. The Date Night Analysis

Chapter 6: The Date Night Analysis

Penny awoke to her phone playing "California Girls", the ringtone Amy had insisted on setting as her personal ringtone on Penny's phone. Confused, she picked it up, wondering what Amy could possibly want at this ungodly hour.

"Amy, what time is it?" Penny said into the phone, rubbing her eyes.

"It's 6:52 am. I just wanted to tell you about the date I had with Sheldon last night!" Amy replied excitedly.

"Sweetie, can you call me back? I'm not gonna remember a word you say if you tell me right now," said Penny.

"Okay, then. I'll call you after I drop Sheldon off at work. I got a Bluetooth transmitter for my car. I hope it works!"

Penny sighed. Amy's morning perkiness was grating on her nerves. "Talk to you in a bit. Buh-bye."

She rolled over and covered her head with her pillow, hoping she wouldn't have any more rude awakenings this morning.

* * *

Amy pulled up to 2311 Los Robles Avenue, waving happily to Sheldon as he stood outside the building. In addition to his usual messenger bag, he held a clipboard with a Justice League sticker on the back. She wondered why he hadn't stowed it in his bag, then realized it was most likely his notes on their date.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" Amy asked him as he entered the car.

"I slept exactly the same as I always have: perfectly. I have impeccable sleep technique," Sheldon answered her as he buckled his seatbelt. "If you hurry as much as traffic will allow you, you can park in my parking spot and I can show you some of the charts I drew up for our discussion."

Amy nodded, keeping her eyes on the road. "Would you like to start the discussion verbally before adding your visual aids?"

"I think that's an excellent thing to do," he said. "First off: the choice of date activities was wonderfully made. Thank you, Amy. Although I noted that though there was an offer of cosplay, this activity did not occur. Explain."

"I did mention wearing the medical officer outfit, but due to our position on the couch later in the evening and the amount of physical contact we were experiencing, I figured you would rather I had on my normal layers of clothing. The medical officer dress is short and not as protective of my skin."

"Excellent point. I will add to the charts: do not mix costumes and physical contact until both parties are comfortable and fully sanitized." He scribbled something down on his clipboard. "Next point: we made what you would most likely call progress in the physical aspect of our relationship."

"Yes, I would call it that. What would you call it, Sheldon?" Amy asked, eager to find out his opinion.

"I would also call it progress...but in a way it was protection for me. The physical contact, as an idea, was initiated in my mind because you said that Wil Wheaton was cute. I'm not quite sure why this occurred to me as an option to quell the green monster of envy, but it did. Do you have any insight on this issue?" Sheldon asked, sounding honestly curious.

Amy immediately assumed the role of neurobiologist. "Your limbic system saw my characterization of Wil Wheaton as a predator to our relationship. It then attempted to rid me of my thoughts of the predator by making me pay more attention to you. The only way the limbic system knows how to do this is by initiating physical contact. By the way, it worked splendidly, because I was much more interested in your reactions to your own body than in anything Wil Wheaton did after that."

"Thank goodness, I wasn't sure if it would do the trick," Sheldon said, writing something else down on his clipboard.

"There's something I wanted to address this morning: your unusually quiet nature during our date. I wasn't sure whether you were silent because you felt discomfort and didn't want to hurt my feelings or because you didn't want to ruin the moment."

"I don't believe it was either of those things," Sheldon said. "Though I initially felt discomfort, it dissipated after a minute or two. I knew you did not have flesh-eating bacteria on your skin, since you were not actively being eaten alive. So I felt safer. But I don't know about 'ruining the moment'. Technically speaking, we spent a lot of moments touching each other last night, and I don't know how I could really ruin any of them. I did experience a feeling of speechlessness, which worried me at first, but then I just...settled into it, as it were."

"All right, I'll give you the reason for your silence," said Amy. "You let your more basic functions take the lead, which I'm almost positive you have never done before. Because these parts of your brain are pre-verbal, you felt no need to speak."

Sheldon sighed and looked out the window. "All those years of Kolinahr, gone right out the window. And I really thought I was on the right track this time."

Amy was frustrated, but she knew getting angry with him would just make the problem worse. Instead, she decided to use his superciliousness to her advantage. She took a deep breath, clenched the steering wheel, and spoke.

"Just as a note of reference, Sheldon: your limbic system will often try to take over in these situations, and will need to in order for our relationship to succeed. It is a part of your brain, and though you have spent time suppressing its influence, you have to admit that you wouldn't want any part of your brain to be wrong about something. And trust me, it won't be wrong about anything it controls. So don't ignore it just because it was developed before the neocortex on the evolutionary scale. It contains a lot of knowledge you can't access with higher thinking."

"I never thought about it like that before," Sheldon said, sounding a bit unsure. "I would never want my brain to be wrong. It's certainly a helpful way of thinking...especially now that I...you'll see in the charts."

Amy turned into the parking lot. "Well, we're here. You can show me the charts you made just as soon as I park."

The second Amy pulled into the parking spot, Sheldon held out his clipboard to her. "Here are my observations about our relationship based on what has taken place in the past six weeks. Leonard's absence has caused me to spend a lot more time thinking, and while I do spend some of it thinking about the mysteries of the universe, I spend more of it thinking about you. I feel that adding an additional Date Night each month to our schedule would allow me to properly...channel...these thoughts."

Amy studied the graph in front of her nose: it had lines on it such as "time spent thinking about Amy during work", "time spent thinking about Amy while performing daily chores", "time spent thinking about Amy while watching television"...all of them spiked up sharply on the day he got his bicycle and were continuing to climb.

"You do spend a lot of time thinking about me," was all she could say. Inwardly, she was trying her hardest not to start dancing in delight.

Sheldon took the clipboard back and flipped it to a page titled "Amendment to the Relationship Agreement". "I propose that the additional Date Night be situated on the fourth Thursday of the month, or the fifth Thursday in a month with five Thursdays, to keep our Dates appropriately spaced apart. The boyfriend shall plan the first Date of each month and the girlfriend shall plan the second Date of each month."

Amy nodded. "Sounds fair. With twenty-four Dates per year, though, our typical activities will begin to seem a little repetitive, won't they?"

"If you're planning something out of the ordinary for Date Night, such as travel, all I ask is that the proper notification forms are submitted at the appropriate time," said Sheldon with a little smile.

"Where do I sign?" Amy asked.

Sheldon handed her a pen. "Sign here, and here. Just initial there."

Amy did so, and grinned at Sheldon. "I'm very happy to be spending more time with you."

"As am I," Sheldon replied, unbuckling his seat belt. "Well, I have to continue working out the equations for the perturbations of colliding black holes, so I'll speak to you later. Goodbye."

He opened the car door and got out, walking with a new spring in his step.

Amy watched him as he entered his building with a flourish, and then turned on her car radio so she could sing in triumph.

* * *

There was that ringtone again.

Penny decided she should probably make more of an effort to listen to Amy this time, so she got out of bed before answering the phone.

"Hey, what's up!" she said, trying her best to sound cheerful and awake.

Amy squealed loudly on the other end. "Penny, you won't believe it! Sheldon said he was thinking about me a lot - and he enjoyed the physical contact we made - and we added more Date Nights to our schedule - "

Penny winced and held the phone farther from her ear. "Slow down, sweetie, I can't understand what you're saying."

"I'm sorry, I'm just thrilled at the progress we made this morning. In our discussion, Sheldon and I had a very gratifying talk about physical contact and his limbic system, and he showed me all this paperwork he has detailing his thought processes, and then he wrapped it all up by suggesting we have two Date Nights a month. Can you believe Sheldon did all that by himself?"

Penny smiled. "That's pretty impressive. Don't go too fast without getting yourself some protection first, though," she teased.

"Well, coitus is probably still twelve to eighteen months in the future, but it has moved up significantly from my most recent calculation of two and a half years," Amy said seriously.

"I'll invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones. But seriously, good for you, Amy! I don't know how you keep holding on, but you do."

"Sometimes, I don't know how I do it either, but then I realize it's worth it in the end. Because Sheldon may be frustrating at times, but I'd never trade him for anyone else. He's worth it."

Penny started tearing up. "That is probably the sweetest thing I have ever heard. I might have to go hurl a rainbow." She sniffed.

"Maybe you're hormonal. Are our menses syncing up?" Amy asked. "You'd think they would have by now."

A big fat tear rolled down Penny's nose. "Yeah, that's probably it. I'll talk to you later once I take some...Midol..." she said, hanging up and collapsing on her bed.

She didn't want Amy to hear her cry about Leonard.

* * *

**A/N: Here you go! I wrote to drown out my sad feelings about not being at Comic Con even though it's only 70 miles from my house. The next chapter is almost done, so I might have it up by tomorrow or Sunday. See you next time!**


	7. The Pool Party Expansion

Chapter 7: The Pool Party Expansion

It was Bernadette's birthday, and she had wanted to have a little get-together with her friends. Penny, with Raj's help, had decided to throw her a pool party at the pool in Amy's apartment complex. It was a lot more work than she thought it would be (though maybe this was because Raj always overdid everything), but she was happy with the fruits of her labor. She watched proudly as Raj, Howard, and Bernadette played Marco Polo, and thought she had done something right for once.

Amy was upstairs in her apartment making Bernadette's birthday cake, and Sheldon sat on a pool chair, looking uninterested.

"This is altogether unpleasant."

"Come on, Sheldon, why don't you get in the pool? You won't be cold, I promise!" Penny yelled from the deep end. "You said you would come and have fun, so let's go."

"I'm sorry, but my body does not need to touch whatever bacteria and bodily leftovers are festering in there," Sheldon replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

Penny tried to think of some logical explanation she could use against him. "You're wearing a full-length wetsuit. Why don't you get it wet?"

"There is no amount of covering in the world that will protect me. This wetsuit is better suited for the ocean anyway."

"Amy's at least getting in the hot tub when she gets here," Penny said. "She might enjoy the company in there."

"I said I would come to the party. I never said I would swim."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. Can you at least watch the food if you aren't going to get in the water?"

"I'm already doing so, Penny. Do you think I would let one of the booger-covered little kids in here touch anything I could possibly eat?" he said, scooting his chair closer to the table where the rest of the food was set up.

Penny decided it was his loss for right now, but she hoped he would hang out with Amy later for her sake.

* * *

Amy finished frosting the cake with a flourish and smiled at her handiwork. It was pink, Bernadette's favorite color, and Amy had carefully written "Happy Birthday, Bernadette" with rainbow sprinkles.

Now it was time to get dressed.

Amy stared at her small closet, wishing she had a bathing suit she honestly liked. She had a wetsuit with short sleeves and short pants, and a no-nonsense black one piece with a waterproof floral sarong her mother had purchased for her in Las Vegas. She knew that Penny and Bernadette would likely be wearing bikinis and she wanted to be like them, but she was sure Sheldon would take no notice of her even if she wore a bikini like Princess Leia's.

In the end, she decided to be daring and wear the skimpier suit, and she even pinned her hair back with a garish hibiscus clip that matched the sarong.

"At least Penny and Bernadette will think I look nice," Amy said, trying to be cheerful.

She arrived at the pool with the cake and surveyed the situation. Sheldon was sitting by the food, and the others were in the pool. What was the best angle of approach to make sure they all knew she was here?

Amy cleared her throat, took a breath, and began to sing.

"Happy birthday to you..."

She saw Penny jump out and start singing too. "Happy birthday to you..."

By that time, everyone else was rushing towards the table near Sheldon and singing. "Happy birthday, dear Bernadette..."

Amy set the cake down on the table proudly as they all finished the song. "Happy birthday to you!"

Bernadette was glowing with happiness. "Thank you so much, guys! Amy, the cake is beautiful!" She reached over the table and gave Amy a hug.

"Aw, thank you, Bernadette!"

"Are we done with all this hippy-dippy singing or can we eat now?" Sheldon said, rather impatiently.

"Sheldon, she has to blow out the candles first!" Penny cried.

"Hang on, I'm still trying to get the lighter going," Amy said, trying her hardest to light the small pink candles.

"Here, Amy, let me do it," said Raj, and soon all of them were lit.

"Make a wish and blow out the candles!" Howard said, standing happily at his wife's side.

Bernadette blew out all the candles, and the others clapped.

"My wish already came true. I'm here with my friends! Well, except Leonard, but hopefully we can put him on speakerphone later."

"Dig in, everyone," Penny said, and all grabbed as much food as they could stack on their plates.

Sheldon had made his plate and put it aside on another table before the cake ceremony, but now was simply looking at it expectantly. Amy sat down across from him with her plate, and Sheldon immediately picked up his fork and took a bite of potato salad. "Thank goodness, I was starving," he said.

"You waited for me to sit with you?" Amy asked, surprised and a little bit touched.

"Of course. It would be impolite to do otherwise. Darn cotillion training," he said between bites.

Amy happily ate her turkey and cheese sandwich, and looked up to notice him staring intently at her. With...dilated pupils? They were certainly larger than normal.

"Is everything all right?" she asked him.

Sheldon broke eye contact with her, and stared down at his plate with a hint of red on his face. "Yes, everything is just dandy," he replied, his voice cracking.

"Did you apply sunscreen recently? Your cheeks are uncharacteristically flushed," Amy said with a knowing smile.

Sheldon said nothing, just took a rather violent bite of carrot.

The first signs of physical arousal and Sheldon was already freaking out. Darn beckoning pelvis.

"If you are feeling uncomfortable, Sheldon, we can talk about something else to distract you. How about this: there are only three pyramids in the United States. Do you know where they are?"

"Of course I do," Sheldon said, still looking at his food. "They're in Las Vegas, Nevada, Memphis, Tennessee, and Long Beach, California. I like seeing the pyramid in Long Beach, it's visible from the freeway. Did you know that pilots landing at the nearby Long Beach airport use it as a coordinate to orient themselves towards the runway?"

"I did know that. It's one of my favorite amusing factoids," Amy said, relieved to see that he was calming down. "What's your favorite amusing factoid?"

"My favorite is the story of Bobby Leach. He was the first man to survive the trip over Niagara Falls, and he died some years later due to slipping on an orange peel and injuring his leg while he was speaking about his experience. It's almost ironic, but not quite."

Amy nodded. "In order for it to be truly ironic, he would have had to slip on the orange peel into the Niagara River, and then die from going over the Falls a second time."

"Oh, of course. Though he died in New Zealand, so his almost-irony never had a chance to become one of the most ironic deaths of all time," Sheldon said.

Penny came up to their table with her plate. "How's Pasadena's favorite power couple doing today?" she asked.

"Oh, we are doing quite well, Penny," said Amy. "We were just talking about what would be required to turn near-irony into the real thing."

"Uh-huh," Penny said, clearly not understanding a word Amy had said. "I just wanted to compliment you on your bathing suit. I like the flower in your hair too - it's so cute! It reminds me of these Penny blossom things I used to make. Sheldon, don't you think Amy looks nice?" she added, looking pointedly at him.

Amy was happy to be praised by Penny, but Penny's expectant look and her own shy one toward Sheldon didn't seem to be making him any more willing to answer.

Finally, he squeaked out "she looks very nice" at his plate.

Amy looked up at Penny, and quietly asked, "What are you doing?"

Penny smiled, and whispered to Amy, "I've never seen Sheldon look more embarrassed in his life. This is the payback I've been waiting for since he said I had sex with 31 different guys on your first date!"

* * *

Penny and Raj were cleaning up the remains of the food from the excellent lunch, and Bernadette and Howard were back in the pool having a tickle fight. She looked over at the hot tub, where Amy was sitting alone. Poor Amy looked kind of sad, sitting in there all by herself, but she knew that the only person who could fix the situation was Sheldon.

Of course, Sheldon was lounging in his pool chair, still in the exact same spot he'd been in all morning.

"Sheldon, where's Amy?" Penny asked innocently.

Sheldon sighed. "She's in the hot tub. I told her it probably wasn't the best idea, but she insisted that she's been in it before and has not died. So I had to let her sit in there for a while."

Penny rolled her eyes. "She wanted you to sit with her in the hot tub, genius."

"Nonsense. Amy would never purposely endanger my safety. It's part of the Relationship Agreement."

"Sheldon!" Penny exclaimed in frustration. "Look at your girlfriend. She looks depressed and single and some other guy is going to see her in there and think she doesn't have a boyfriend at all."

"Really?" Sheldon said, looking scared, then dubious. "Are you telling the truth or are you just trying to convince me to do something I don't want to do, as usual?"

"Um, no, that's the truth," Penny said, glad that she had experience in this area. "I've done it before to get free stuff in Vegas."

Sheldon looked absolutely crestfallen. "Well, if you think it's the only way..."

"Amy does stuff for you all the time. She takes you to all that train stuff I could never sit through. Why don't you do this for her?"

"Oh, all right. I'm going," Sheldon said, back to his crabby self again, stomping over to the hot tub.

"You're welcome, Amy," Penny whispered as she went back to cleaning.

* * *

"Hello, Amy."

Amy looked up to see Sheldon standing behind her. "I thought you didn't want to come in."

"Well, I don't, but Penny said that a random guy might see you in the hot tub and think that you are not pair-bonded to me. I don't want people to make that assumption," he explained.

"All right then," Amy said, scooting over so Sheldon could climb down the steps and sit next to her. "You can take a shower in my apartment later to rid yourself of pool water residue if you'd like."

"Really? Oh, that would be excellent. I don't think I'll be able to wait until I get home."

They sat quietly in the hot tub for a little while, and Amy closed her eyes, enjoying the jets on her lower back.

"I really need to get myself a jacuzzi tub," she said. "Then I won't have to use the hot tub down here."

"Does your shower have non-slip devices on the floor?" Sheldon asked. "Ours has ducks."

Amy nodded. "Mine are little brains. I got them from a colleague in our department's Secret Santa last year."

"I wish our department Secret Santa had themed gifts," said Sheldon. "Last year, Kripke was my Secret Santa, and he got me a fanny pack from the dollar section at Target."

Amy decided she should just cut to the chase, and scooted a little closer to him. "Proposal: we hold hands."

"Amy, this is a hot tub, not a movie theater," Sheldon protested.

Amy shrugged. "Hot tubs are well known for their roles in romantic films and fantasies. People engage in coitus in them all the time."

"You mean to tell me that people have been _naked_ in here?" cried Sheldon.

"Not in this hot tub specifically," Amy explained, "it's against the pool rules. The security guard makes any who attempt it make a walk of shame back to their apartment." She smiled to herself. "And let me tell you, it is hysterical to see."

"We're getting off-topic. I reject the hand-holding proposal for the moment. I will reconsider in a minute or two. I need to get the horrible images of naked people out of my head first," Sheldon said, sounding a little frazzled.

"That's perfectly fine," Amy said. "I'm ready when you are."

A few more minutes passed, and Amy had almost slipped away into a daydream when she suddenly felt Sheldon's hand on hers. She took it, and squeezed it lightly.

"You know, if we were able to get a private hot tub in order to ensure that it was completely sanitary, I don't think I'd mind it so much. Normally I hate baths, but the jets are surprisingly relaxing," Sheldon said very quietly.

"It's the effect of deep pressure. Remember when I gave you that very tight hug on the Fourth of July? Deep pressure is a therapeutic technique that has been found to help people with tactile defensiveness to become used to the touch of other people."

Sheldon nodded. "It definitely seems to be working. Even though our hands feel like prunes, I'm not worried about holding your hand at all. Normally I would refuse to touch anything until my hand was back to its normal state."

"I've been thinking about this ever since the Fourth of July, and I think my next proposal will do you some good. I hope you don't mind the surprise experiment, Sheldon, but I hypothesize that with assurance of sanitation, and deep pressure techniques, you will be much more comfortable with your environment. Not only will you be able to touch me more easily, you will be able to shake hands with donors at important schmoozing dinners for your research, allow acquaintances at work to touch you if social protocol demands it, and overall be much more confident in front of strangers. Do you know how many hands you will have to shake once you win the Nobel Prize?"

"I had a nightmare about it once," Sheldon said with a shudder. "Hundreds and hundreds of hands chased me around the streets of Stockholm."

"You see? You don't need to live in fear. All you'll need is some Purell once the experiment is finished, and then you can shake as many hands as you want."

Sheldon squeezed her hand and closed his eyes, leaning back into the jets behind him. Amy was very glad to see he had managed to work through the beginning stages of physical arousal and have a polite conversation with her. And she thought he looked kind of sexy in the sleek black wetsuit, even if it covered his entire body.

Once Sheldon was showered, the experiment would begin.

* * *

**A/N: Deep pressure therapy is a real thing, and it's part of my headcanon that Sheldon has sensory processing disorder. My brother went through it, and it has helped him tremendously. Thanks for reading! See you next time!**


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